i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
