My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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