At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
