She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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