i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
