3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
