Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
