So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
