I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
