it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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