Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
