My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
