Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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