I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Im part way to drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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