I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
