wakey wakey hands off snakey
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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