the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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