You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
