quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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