friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we're making bets on your personal life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
