Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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