Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
