we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
