im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
