Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
