Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
MIDGETS
????
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
