forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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