I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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