ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
