Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
