Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
