Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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