She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
