clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
