so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
