even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
