What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
