what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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