C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
