remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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