The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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