i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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