It's Friday. Sex?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
