dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
