thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
