There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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