What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
