i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
