now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
