Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
