just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
