I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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