Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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