Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
