im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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