just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
