He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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