dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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