Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
be right there i have to get my cape
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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