I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
