how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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